I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize