I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
