I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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