Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i think i just lost a toe
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
