i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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