..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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