nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
