umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
