During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
