I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
