I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
