I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
