You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
