I wanna passion pit in your ass
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
