You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
