I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
