were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
