I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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