Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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