She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
