OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
