Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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