We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
not ubering you a puppy
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
