fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
