he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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