I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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