Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Oh god it's open bar.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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