He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Randomize
