His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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