i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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