yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
