New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
