It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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