I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
