I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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