need another drink. this is the easiest way
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
