Tell her she can't have a vagina
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
