Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
