Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
