She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
