Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
