no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
