cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
