yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
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