i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
