Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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