just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
