Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
