Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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