So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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