turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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