No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
