FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
