apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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